Fifty Shades of Red.

by Julie on July 21, 2012



Because my millions and billions of subscribers count on me to update them regarding the latest trends and fads, I felt it was my duty to read “50 Shades of Grey.”  All three books.  Twice.

You are welcome.

So I’m ready to share my thoughts and give a complete and thorough evaluation of this latest literary phenomenon, but here is the hard part: I’ve been staring at this computer screen for over an hour. I’m struggling with what to write next. How do I begin? Where do I start?  I don’t usually have problems with writer’s block, but I keep reminding myself that my mother reads my blog.  My sweet, lovely, “50 Shades of Grey?  Is that a paint swatch?” mother.  Well hang on Mama and buckle your seat belt.

Actually, never mind.  I forgot my children read this as well.

What can I say about 50 Shades of Grey that is PG-13? That’s the problem with this site.  I have too many people that I encounter on a regular basis, so often it’s difficult to  write what you sometimes really want to discuss. No wonder 50 Shades author E L James didn’t spell out her whole name.  Her mom must read her stuff too.  So here is the clean version of what I thought as I read about the escapades of Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele. And let me tell you how hard this is. It’s like reviewing an audio book with the sound turned down.  But let’s give it a try.

I like the name Christian.

Ana didn’t seem so special.

I’ve been to the Heathman and it’s nice. But never in the suite. Nor the private dining room. Nor anything else.

In the book, Seattle always seemed to be experiencing great weather.  The author is nuts.  It’s always raining.  Always.

No prenup?  Yeah, right.

I kept wondering about the author’s husband.  And her son. Then I thought of the fortune she is making and figured they were fine.

Doesn’t anyone ever sleep anymore?

No matter how hard you try, somethings you just can’t visualize.

I get it.  Christian smelled good.

Wonder what E L James Google history would reveal?

Not that it matters, but will there be a Book 4? Anyone?

And that’s it. Much like Ana after a long weekend with her Christian, I am spent.  I can’t think of anything else I can possibly comment on regarding this subject when I need to watch my my p’s and q’s.  But if anyone can get back to me on if there will be a Book 4, I will be sure and pass it on to my friend who was the one wondering. Really.












{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Leslie Harris July 22, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Hi Julie, Funny post and I do have a few thoughts back at you.
I tried and never finished book one. Kept bursting into laughter when I read words like, “my inner Goddess”.
Tried writing a review, but only managed this post:
I’m too insecure to admit the truth: I’m the ONLY woman in the world who doesn’t get it. (the whole swoony thing over these books)
I thought Christian was a creepy guy with serious Mama issues…
Anastasia would be a nightmare version of my daughter, if I had one…
I absolutely HATE that women think THIS is a love story. There is nothing loving about being beaten. Please call it what it really is. A graphic book about a lot of weird sex.
I could go on, but why bore you. ..
Hope the kids are doing well,
Leslie (aka Gwen Moss blog)
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Nicole Robinson July 23, 2012 at 10:31 am

Thanks for the clean, candid review. I haven’t read the book and have no plans to. But I enjoy hearing everyone else’s take on it. The girls I’ve talked to about it either blush and gush or roll their eyes with disbelief.


Missy | The Literal Mom July 25, 2012 at 2:27 am

I haven’t read it and just don’t think I can. But that being said, I really liked your recap!
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Teri July 27, 2012 at 11:54 pm

I’ve never read it, and I don’t think I ever will! Just sounds a bit too much, but to each his own! My daughter and I frequent our local waterpark, and every time, Moms are sitting back in the lounger reading the book! A lady sitting next to me had her book out, but when her kids stopped by, she quickly dropped the book and picked up her copy of Good Housekeeping!!


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